I’m not from Mianyang. But I have lived in Mianyang longer than at my hometown. This leads me to say I’m from Jiangxi, while I actually reside in Sichuan; I say I’m from Sichuan, but my hukou is in Jiangxi. But what’s done is done, and I can only endure it.

Looking back, I find that my first fifth of life was fairly unlucky. Kindergarten: I studied for half of it and then transferred to another kindergarten. In elementary school, I was bullied. In middle school I had no friends, and in high school my grades were crushed by others.

In kindergarten I started out with a good buddy, but in the latter half of the class we transferred. As a transfer student, I had no friends. — After all, which 'golden-hook friends' would tolerate a transfer student? I still remember being ostracized by a group of girls led by Wang Yongyi (funny to say, I’m a boy) 😅

Gradually, kindergarten ended, and elementary school came next. I was happy to be with my good buddy again, but why did he have so many friends? Why was I isolated again? I don’t know. But I still remember that there was some English teacher activity; I forgot the details. But I remember clearly when he came down from the podium, he tripped. His forehead hit a sharp desk leg, perhaps bleeding a lot—why perhaps? because I didn’t have the courage to look— I was crying with my hands over my eyes. Curiously, at that time I treated a girl as the 'culprit', so when she came to comfort me (maybe?) I shouted at her—and then I was ostracized again. You could say I almost lived in his shadow—for I was beaten, bullied, ostracized, and only his words carried weight. But for a long time I formed a dependence on him— because I was constantly compared with him by my parents.

I used to think that good grades would bring friends. So while others studied, I studied; while others played, I read. The grades rose, but I still had no friends. Until fourth grade, my IT skills showed up, and they gradually started talking to me. But I still had no friends. Later I found out they were after me because they needed something from me.

I’ve always been poor at math. Probably because when I didn’t know how to do it I would go ask my dad, but if I asked, I’d get beaten. I still remember when he taught me a system of equations in second grade; I couldn’t write it, and that’s when he beat me. And with the middle school math teacher’s help, my math was basically done for.

I entered junior high. Then I found PE was a total mess (PE 38 shares recepients) My grades at first weren’t great, but at least I could see progress. Of course, math was still as troublesome, and I still had no friends. IT remained my strong suit; in the second year of junior high I won a city-first prize (in primary school I had district second prize, city second prize), but I didn’t pursue the XinAo track because the school didn’t have it (where would a public school get it) In the third year I was anxious about choosing a high school; I originally thought I could get into Nanshan, but later realized my ability could push for Mianzhong. So I applied to Mianzhong (not because Mianzhong or Nanshan offered me a 'small offer'— Nanshan’s 'small offer' is not as valuable as Mianzhong's). That night checking grades, facing the score-check site, with the information already filled in, the fear of failing is unforgettable. But fortunately, I was lucky enough not to fail. At that moment, I truly felt the joy of tears.

High school was half bright and half gray. There’s a saying that goes:

In the first year the differences aren’t big; in the second year the extremes polarize; in the third year, heaven and earth.

In the first month of first year, I was a few points short of A0. At midterm, hmm? How did I become 1300th? End of term, hmm??? How did I become 1600th? That wasn’t great either; in the next phase, within one month, I fell to 2000th, crushing my dreams. I really didn’t expect to be this miserable in high school. Fortunately, this final term was a bit more promising, and I still managed to reach at least A0.

Enough of the gloom; now let me talk about the shine. Life can be said to be composed of countless coincidences. If I hadn’t met Boen, I wouldn’t have joined Mianzhong’s Cube People, wouldn’t have joined Mianzhong Rongmei Media, wouldn’t have become the person who looks so polished today. — I was responsible for the live broadcast of the sports meet, I cut the campus news, and I edited the montage for the class image showcase. Although tired, at least I felt it was worth it. But I think I might be a bit too tired, too tired, too... tired.

--- This article, I think, is a eulogy written to the past. Although I know I am a nostalgic person. But the past is the past, and the past glory is also in the past. So let the past glory be enjoyed by the past self.

The past 'me' has already died in memories. Goodbye, 烧瑚烙饼； hello, 易曦维光。