I really shouldn't be chatting with others late at night

Finally realized that I can't accept reality the way others do, and I yawn.

--- I find that I am still a nostalgic person at heart.

Because I can never calmly face the differences between reality and the past.

In the past, I wasn't the top, but I was still quite good. But now, I am as down-and-out as it gets.

I envy those people who are loved by everyone, because wherever they go, they are the center of attention.

But I am not. I have always been a marginal figure, a bit player.

I crave others' attention and recognition.

So, I want others to absolutely obey my commands, not to argue, so I can feel warm.

But clearly, I don't have that ability.

This leads to a huge gap between my ideals and reality. And obviously, I don't have the ability to bridge this gap.

But I am not willing to accept it. If others excel, they have friends? Then I will try too. If others tell jokes and make friends? Then I will try that too.

But the truth proves I was wrong.

Where is the way out?

I don't know.

--- Compared to phones, computers were my first contact with technology. This gave me an advantage in information classes. Later, Scratch entered my view. It is a graphical programming software developed by MIT.

Although it seems basic now, I loved it passionately at the time.

Later, I created many works with Scratch and won some small awards. But unfortunately, I still couldn't make it big.

Of course, besides creation, there are also competitions like CPA and Lanqiao Cup. It was while preparing for these that I learned about YC and their specialized Olympiad class.

I really wanted to join, but it was just wishful thinking—my math was too poor.

I don't know why my math is so bad—maybe the environment, maybe fate. But I know, over the years, I haven't broken this curse.

I still remember, when I participated in some competitions, YC, DC, I took all of them, and in the end, only Cijiang extended an olive branch (of course, I didn't go, this was less appealing than attending Buzhong).

In the end, I missed my chance with my dreams.

That's why every time I see YC's plaque, I feel a twinge of sourness.

--- My middle school life finally arrived, but it was ten thousand miles away from what I imagined.

Sports day, only once; study tour, only once; clubs? None. All thanks to the pandemic.

In fact, my programming skills didn't get much opportunity to shine—just a hundred lines of code earned me a first prize at the city level.

Honestly, I think my info teacher might know less about Python than I do.

(And I was even a free slave helping them teach, while they just sat and took their salary)

In middle school, I was considered a potential player, laying a foundation in first year, soaring in second, reaching a peak in third. I was surprised at my own grades—initially, I only planned to score in the NS exam. But unexpectedly, I managed to push into MZ.

The result was good; I succeeded.

But,

People don't share joys and sorrows. —Luan Xie/Bai Wen

Getting into college doesn't mean everyone else will. All just my wishful thinking. Like when I scored full marks in the physical exam—I naturally hoped everyone in my group could do the same—of course, that's impossible.

But life must go on.

--- High school life wasn't as wonderful as I imagined. The shame of being the bottom of the class still lingers in my mind.

You could say my high school life was rather unsatisfactory.

I've tried decluttering, but I realized some things can't be let go of—like past honors.

Who doesn't understand the principle of light packing, who doesn't want to?

But everyone understands the principle; few can do it. Human nature is nostalgic, after all, people tend to add a beautiful filter to memories.

So, to achieve this, I am willing to use any means, like splitting memories into two—half past, half displayed.

I have to admit, this plan is still in progress, and only time will tell how it turns out.

--- At the same time, after some reflection, I decided to put all my past articles into the public domain—sort of digging a grave for the past, because the mouth that eats softens, the hand that takes is short, and someone will remember that there once was a "person" called Shao Huo Luo Bing.

--- Come on, YiXiWei Guang, I am waiting for you in the future.