I really shouldn't be chatting with others at three in the morning

In the end, I realized that I couldn't accept reality the way others do, and I sighed.

--- I realize I am ultimately a nostalgic person.

Because I could never calmly face the difference between reality and the past.

My past self wasn't top-tier, but at least decent. But now, the more down-and-out I am, the more down-and-out I become.

I envy those who are loved by everyone, because wherever they go, they become the focal point.

But I'm not. I've always been a peripheral character, always a background extra.

I long to gain others' attention and recognition.

So I hoped others would completely obey my commands and not contradict, thereby making me feel valued.

But clearly, I don't have that ability.

This leads to a huge gap between ideals and reality. And obviously, I have no ability to bridge that gap.

But I won't give up. If others with good grades have friends? Then I'll try. If others who tell jokes have friends? Then I'll try.

But the fact proved that I was wrong.

What is the way out?

I don't know.

--- Compared with a mobile phone, a computer was what I encountered earlier. This gave me a certain advantage in information class. Later, Scratch entered my field of view. This is a graphical programming software developed by MIT.

Although it seems basic now, back then I loved it to pieces.

Later, I used Scratch to create many works and won some small awards. But unfortunately, they still couldn't be showcased.

Of course, besides creating, there are exams, such as CPA and the Blue Bridge Cup. It was while taking these that I learned YC also has a dedicated Information Olympiad class.

I really want to go, but this is ultimately just my one-sided wish—my math is too bad.

I don't know why my math is so bad—it could be the environment, maybe fate. But I know that for so many years, I should have broken this curse.

I remember clearly back then applying for DianZhao, YC, DC all around; in the end only Tzu Chi extended an olive branch (Of course I didn't go; going there would be worse than attending No. 8 High School).

I ultimately missed my dream.

That's why every time I see YC's plaque, my heart aches a little.

--- Junior high life arrived, but it was vastly different from what I imagined.

The sports meet was held only once, the study trip only once, clubs? None. All due to the pandemic.

In fact, my information ability didn't have much room to shine — I wrote about a hundred lines of code and won a first prize at the city level.

Not to brag, but maybe the information teacher knows less about Python than I do.

(I even served as a free slave to the teachers, I helped them teach, and they just sat there and took the salary)

In middle school I was a potential contestant; 7th grade laid the foundation, 8th grade took off, 9th grade reached the peak. I was surprised by my own grades — when I enrolled I had planned to take only ns. I didn't expect that I could still push mz.

The final result was good; I shot up to the top.

But,

People do not understand each other's joys and sorrows. —栾咲/白文

I passed; it doesn't mean everyone can pass; these are all my wishful thinking. Just as when I got a perfect score on the physical education exam, I naturally hoped everyone in our group would be perfect scores too. — This is definitely impossible.

But life must go on.

--- High school life was not as good as I imagined. The shame of being at the bottom of the class is still etched in my mind.

It can be said that my high school life was not very smooth.

Decluttering and letting go, I have done that too. But after doing it, I realized some things cannot be cut off, cannot be discarded, cannot be let go. For example, past honors.

Who doesn't understand the idea of going light and ready? Who wouldn't want to?

But everyone understands; those who can do it are few; the nature of nostalgia is strong, after all people tend to apply a beautiful filter to memories.

So, to achieve this, I am willing to resort to any means, such as dividing memories into two, half in the past, half displayed.

I must admit, this plan is still in progress; what it will become can only be seen in the future.

--- At the same time, after thinking, I decided to put all past articles into the public domain — also like digging a grave for the past; after all, there are always people who remember that there once existed a person named 烧瑚烙饼.

Keep going, YiXiWeiguang, I'll see you in the future.