This article has been in the works for a long time. Since the start of the term I’ve been thinking about it up to now, and I’ve finally put pen to paper.

Lately I’ve felt that my mindset has gone off track. The entrance exam registration is in spring next year, but right now I’m torn between 绵中 and 南山. 绵中 is pretty good, but I’m afraid of performing poorly and dropping to the second tier. 南山 is not bad, but I’m afraid of performing so well that I exceed the 绵中 score line. I’m really torn.

And lately I feel like I’ve become gay; I’m not interested in the girls in my class; instead I have a crush on the top student (who’s a boy). And when I think that recently a girl called me gay, my mental state is on the brink of collapse.

This hurts, really hurts. Sometimes I really want to transfer classes. In fact, my interpersonal relationships in class aren’t great; to others I’m basically just a familiar face. Often when I try to chat with someone, I have to shout at them for a long time before they answer me. Maybe it’s because of having not-so-great interpersonal relationships in elementary school and often being bullied? Now I’m understanding Yun Tianming more and more.

I can only curl myself deeper into my mental shell.

Sometimes I really want to ask myself: Do I really have Internet addiction? My parents say I do, but none of the symptoms fit. Maybe it’s because in real life I have no friends at all, and I can only place my hopes in the anonymous Internet?

Sometimes I can only lie under the covers in the dead of night, silently crying.

If we don’t click, half a sentence is too much; if we do click, ten thousand sentences are not enough. End.